According to documents obtained by The Wateree Wasp, Kershaw County Sheriff's Department has entered into a contract to acquire an M1A2C Abrams Tank. The acquisition is part of a growing trend among small departments to utilize government surplus to augment budget shortfalls.
"With the recent activity across the county, and especially in places like Chicago and Seattle, we felt it prudent to be proactive in managing potential uprisings that may occur. We refuse to allow angry mobs to take King Haigler from his rightful place at the Archives, and we're putting plans in place to ensure that those types of things don't happen in Kershaw County", said Sheriff Lee Boan.
The tank, which is designed, configured, built and sold by The Spectrum Group, was in no way connected to the employment of County Council Chairman General Julian Burns, who works with the Spectrum Group when he is not serving Kershaw County.
(In a unrelated story, General Burns was award the "Platinum Missile Award" by The Spectrum Group for generating $1B in government contracts for the company.)
When asked about the need for such militarized firepower, Sheriff Boan replied, "It's not like we're putting nuclear weapons on it. We've outfitted the tank with a modest 20mm cannon and crew-deployable .50 BMG artillery that should be adequate to handle potential uprisings of up to 1000 people. If council does enact the mask ordinance county-wide, we see this as an effective tool to ensure compliance, and stand ready to enforce the will of council."
Funds to purchase the tank were made possible through a US Department of Justice grant and through traffic ticket revenue from the Sheriff Department's I-20 Traffic Enforcement Team.
Delivery is expected in early December, just in time for the Christmas Salute to Law Enforcement Parade to be held at Wateree River Veteran's Park. (In case of flooding, parade will be held at County Council's Lake Wateree Retreat and Hunt Club.)
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