Coronor Dead Set on Finding Out Why COVID Numbers Don't Add Up

Kershaw County Coronor David West has been at odds with SC's Department of Health and Environmental Control (DHEC) for several weeks. The issue seems to be a discrepancy in the COVID-19 death numbers being reported by West's office and those reported by DHEC. Something doesn't add up.

Much of the confusion has been reportedly tied to the form mandated by DHEC and used by the Coronor's office to certify the death as "COVID-19 related." "The form doesn't make sense", said West. "We much prefer our regular methods." When asked about the forms, the DHEC spokesman, Quinterius "Q" Anonemuss, had this to say. "The forms are important. We use them to justify all of the things the governor wants to do, and that he wants the cities and counties to do. People want to see the numbers. What the numbers mean isn't the issue - it's that we have numbers to share with the news media. We also use it to get money from the feds, which we can then use to buy tanks and helicopters from the Defense Department and give to SLED."

The form, which was not provided by DHEC due to copyright issues (it was apparently obtained from California and is being used without permission), was obtained by The WASP and is produced in its entirety here.

Another problem West pointed out was the math used by DHEC to actually count the deaths that his office reports. "Everybody knows that our teachers in Kershaw County are the best in the state. I'm a product of our county schools, and I was taught math and counting by some of the best. Those people at DHEC are using some other method, and our numbers just don't add up."

It appears that DHEC has adopt the new counting system pushed by Governor McMaster and being taught in schools throughout the state. This "new math" uses the Common Core approach to counting, and is partly to blame for the discrepancy.

"It's pretty simple to me, " said West. "I had one person die on Monday and another on Thursday. To me, that's pretty basic math. One plus one equals two. That's the number I put down." However, DHEC, using the Common Core Calculator, looks at things differently. DHEC's Anonemuss stressed the importance of using the Common Core Method. "This is what we're teaching our kids. This is what the schools are supposed to be using. Of course Mr. West thinks is as easy as 1+1 = 2, but he didn't show his work! When we look at the same data, our Data Understudies Maintaining Basic Accountability Support Staff have come to a different conclusion. They have calculated the answer as "Yellow." Any first grader can figure that out."

At what is seen as a jab against West and his supposedly inaccurate counts, Governor McMaster took to the podium at a press conference to share that it was Common Core Math and our "not quite at the bottom" education scores that led Boeing to build their plant in Charleston. "It takes tremendous math skills to build an airplane as complicated as the Boeing 666, and our emphasis on Common Core education is paying huge dividends in the products coming out of that plant", said Governor McMaster. He then showed the first of the 666 planes to roll off the assembly line, proudly built by the Common Core Math Engineers from South Carolina's own public schools.